Eighth day of breastfeeding sobriety
Sometimes as parents, we make the tough decisions about what we think is best for our kids but often times neglect to let them process these decisions.
Few days ago, we took ESL to the dentist for his first dental assessment after noticing a tooth misalignment few weeks earlier. I remember I had my first dental appointment when I relocated to the UK after marriage.
As the bonafide son of his father, ESL loves breasts and breastfeeding. He still sleeps on our bed and suckles overnight. Imagine the rude shock when the dentist said the tooth misalignment was probably due to trauma or habit such as bottle feeding, thumbsucking, feeding on pacifier or breast.
My boy stopped taking pacifiers at three months. He was never a fan. Thumb-sucking was never his thing too and no history of trauma that could lead to the misalignment as he'd stopped bottle feeding a month earlier. Or was it a tad late? The only remaining cause he is guilty of was breastfeeding and it means he had to stop!
A devasatating news for both mother and child. According to my partner, even she was not mentally prepared to let go of the bond breastfeeding gave her with ESL. It was sort of "their thing". It was her protected time with him and a ritual of mutual reassurance for both of them.
As a career woman with hectic schedule that limits her availability at home during the day, coming home to breastfeed ESL assures her her baby needs her. Also, I am sure he wasn't prepared to let go too as breastfeeding especially at night was his comfort and a time with his mommy after enduring me almost all day.
It is now eight days of what my partner calls "breastfeeding sobriety" and it's been a journey already. I am picking lessons from the journey even though I am not in the middle of it all. For one, I am convinced to be a successful parent, you need to do what is right by your kids if you know better as it is often the case when they are still young.
I have seen cases where I am feeding my son and while waiting for his hot food to cool off, he’d start crying from eagerness to quench his hunger. In such cases, it'd be foolish to scald his tongue with the hot food simply because he keeps crying and wants the food instantly. Sometimes you just have to take tough decisions for their sake irrespective of their fleeting feelings.
I discussed this with my partner and she quite agree. Although her own perspective is a little different and unique. According to her, the whole experience has shown her that beyond our parenting and teachings, our son has an innate gene of a responsible person in him because he has shown such discipline that is quite rare for his age with the way he quickly adapted.
She recounted to me,
I had a discussion with him telling him we had to stop breastfeeding and we started off with boob tape and by day 3, he knew, this wasn't a game and this is the expectation. He would lift my dress, look at the breasts, sigh and put his head like he was consoling himself about not being able to breastfeed, then move on.
Sometimes as parents, we make tough decisions about what we think is best for our kids but often times neglect to let them process these decisions or trust their way of processing it. We also need to let them grow at their own unique pace.
Yours in Fatherhood,
This resonates So deeply and profoundly with me,at 8 months it was evident Sekani had to be weaned off breast milk cos every sucking session,wifey had teeth injuries on her boobies,we persevered till he was one,as wifey refused to stop breastfeeding him,the day he clocked one,we just shipped him to go spend a few days with his grandparents,when he came back after 3 days,I was surprised he didn't even ask after breast milk,it was like he understood the reason for the holidays he went.
Cheers to fatherhood, a tough job and a thankless one at that
I wonder why we can't just comment without signing in. Anyway, this piece resonates with me. I am at the level where the fleeting emotions won't make me change my stance on what to wear, how to take medications or when to stop screen time. It is the hardest because you really wanna give them the world but teaching them the process of discipline and allowing them to move into it at their own pace is gold. Right now, I don't struggle with bed time. He has agreed that the number of hours i earmarked for sleep is not going to change. And when his teacher used him as a classic example of a well-rested child, I had my mummy trophy moment. On to the need edition of this. Thanks La and my love to your family.