Why your grandparents badly crave more grandchildren
Stu once told me there should be a study on the relationship between joblessness and fertility.
I now strongly believe that one’s occupation or source of income is as important as any other factor in the proper upbringing of a child or in determining the number of children one’s sanity can carry. And this is not an attempt to bring a moral or financial angle to parenting. That is already overflogged. There is more as I recently found out.
Many average occupation requires 37.5 to 40 hours of our time in a week, which comes to about 8 hours in a day. If you are unlucky to be living in a place like Lagos or London, about three or four hours of your life could also be spent on the road daily. If you could afford a seven hour decent sleep after all these, pray how do you create quality time to be an available father to say, two or more children?
It has only been a moment but I can already see how my new job affords me quality time to be with my son. The experience is draining but priceless. Yea, it is draining. My partner began walking 13,000 steps daily when she resumed work from a year maternity leave but swore it felt like a vacation compared to staying home babysitting our son. Trust me the kid is handful just like any toddler out there. Still, it is priceless because of the sense of duty it gives me.
Few days after I returned from Nigeria on my first assignment in my new role, my partner said I look happier and have been generally more helpful around the house. I did not even notice, myself. I was still mourning and generally occupied with thoughts of undone tasks but who else to spot such development? We both traced my affability to the solace I have in my new job. Aside the flexibility it offers, I was once again doing what I love, exactly how I love it. This has influenced my general mood and disposition at home.
This got me thinking about how the occupation of the parents affect the upbringing of the child. It is not just about how much you earn but also what is left of you after the sacrifice to make such earning. If you are left drained, how do you create that quality time for your kid or even your partner? I tried combining my previous remote job with babysitting on few occasions and realised my son ends up crying more than when we get him a professional minder. Of course, I love my son more than the minder can ever do!
But the pressure from the job gets to me and then I invariably pass mild aggression to the boy for just being his age. A child whose reality and background is different from mine. Is this not very typical for many of us? Ever since till I left the job, we opted for getting a child minder when I am at work and my partner is also unavailable, even when it sometimes cost almost as much as my daily earnings.
Ever wondered why the grandparents are always disturbing newlyweds and young families for more grandchildren? They are mostly retired and have all the time in the world to afford. They seldom have a job that drains the hell out of them and they are not the primary carers for those rascals.
To give your children quality time, it is either you think of your kids before taking certain jobs or you think of your job before birthing certain number of kids. It is a reality of fatherhood and being a parent generally.
Yours in Fatherhood,