Modern parenting requires a shift in our perception of sacrifice
Whether one stays in a marriage because of their child or partner, what is undeniable is that bringing up a child requires huge sacrifice.
In modern times, the old incentive for bringing up children is no longer very valid. Previously, the focus of parenting is on bringing up children that could cater for their parents in old age and take over their businesses, if any, after their deaths. This old mindset affects not just the parenting styles adopted but also perception of what parenting entails.
However people have now become more independent than before and more children are growing up to refuse an adult life of being blackmailed into perpetual obligations to their parents. There is a limit to the interference every adults allow in their lives nowadays and your child today is an adult tomorrow.
The reward for bringing up a child has changed and the incentive for bringing up a child must adjust accordingly to reflect these modern realities. One thing however constant in bringing up a child is sacrifice. All too often in the past, we hear of people who stayed in their marriage because of their children. Many modern couple stay in their marriage in spite of their children.
Many times, the sacrifice made because of a child or a partner are interwoven but our perception determines how we feel about the selflesslessness of it all.
Last week, my partner had to cancel a work shift to be home with our son because I was hosting a good friend and business partner from the USA the next day. On the surface, she was canceling a day work to be with her son but on the flip side, it was also for me to have quality time for my work.
My partner could either see her time off work last week as a time spent with her son or a time sacrificed for her partner. She could see it as making a sacrifice for her lover, an adult she chose to be with and who has the capacity to reciprocate her sacrificial gesture in real time if need be or she could see it as a sacrifice for her son, so she does not feel badly or gullible if not reciprocated.
My partner was willing to sacrifice a day at work for me because three days in a week while she's at work I am with the same child working from home. We manage to go about pursuing our indidvidual aspirations while our child benefits from the arrangement. Ultimately, it feels better to perceive certain gestures as sacrifice for your partner even when they are also actions demonstrating responsibility for your children.
There are no two pleased parents who have not had to bury their ego to make different sacrifices for their family. Holistically bringing up a child in this emerging world requires greater incentive than ever and having two mutually pleased parents at it seem the greatest of all. If your partner is unhappy or does not feel cherished, they have no incentive to make the kind of sacrifice that helps the child’s development.
An excerpt from one of @growingfamilieslife classes reads,
Researchers are now reporting that one of the most reliable predictors of a child's emotional security and cognitive success is not the mother-child attachment but the husband-wife attachment. There is something about the demonstrable love relationship of mom and dad relationship that profoundly shapes the neural wiring of a child's developing brain...
When you love and act responsibly towards your child's other parent no matter the sacrifice, you've also done it for the child.
Yours in Fatherhood,