Between overindulging and protecting a little child's dignity
There will be no future for Africa until they respect the dignity of the little children. - Majek Fashek
I remember when my partner and I confirmed we were going to have our child sometime around this time two years ago. She was genuinely apprehensive by the thought of raising a human baby. Understandable for someone that considers herself a baby despite an enviable career progression. As for me, even though I appeared unbothered, It was because I felt my value for doing things fairly would prevail.
It is now fifteen months since then and we are still grappling with inculcating the best parts of how we were raised in Nigeria and how a child is raised in the UK into our son’s upbringing.
My partner reminded me twice during the past week that our son is still just one and I should relax with some of my over expectation. This came after different encounters of me expecting better reaction or knowledge from him on what I can't even recall anymore. Ironically two nights ago, I was listening to her from downstairs admonishing the same boy in loud voice too. I muttered to myself; he's only one year old.
It is amusing to note that the general consensus among our respective extended families in Nigeria is that we are 'spoiling' our son. Sometimes I am tempted to believe this verdict but at other times I remind myself he's only a year old. A one-year old Sotonian.
I've since discovered both perceptions are just functions of different realities. What is regarded as child overindulgence in places like Africa is merely seen as protecting the child's dignity in the West. I ruminated over this with fair objectivity as my motivation is to employ my experience of one and the reality of the other to raise my son.
Many children in Nigeria are groomed early to shore up inadequacies that define their lives and that of their parents. This early albeit sometimes unhealthy exposure ingrains them with the grit which many of us are now renowned. To lack this grit which is fundamental to survival and management of life’s vagaries is considered to being “spoiled” and this have serious repercussion for whoever is unfortunate to be brought up like that.
However, acquiring this grit in such manners many of us have done also come with baggages we seldom outgrow. A child whose dignity was never protected growing up can not function inclusively as adults. In the UK, many appropriate institutions are established to ensure parents don't cross these lines between overindulging the child and protecting their dignity. Sadly the ones established for same purpose in Nigeria is either underfunded or non functional.
For Nigerian parents in the UK, it is a gift to be raised with the grit that has brought us thus far but we must ensure we pass down this value to our children in accordance with the regulations of the system where they are being raised. You can love your child, be firm and the same time offer them the healthy childhood they deserve to make them best of both worlds.
As for contemporary parents in Nigeria, we must emulate global best practices as we instill values in our children. We don’t want to bring up adults that’d have problem integrating with the rest of the world because they were raised with parochial expectations.
Yours in Fatherhood,
Being responsible for the life of another human being till i die is a crazy responsibility.