A boy and his gramps
We all have a little of our grandparents in our DNA. Shouldn't you be curious about who you got something from?
In between my busy schedule when I visited Nigeria last month, I found time to check on my ninety year old grandma. Like our previous meetings, she regaled me with beautiful stories of her late husband Akanni, my own paternal grandfather who I never met.
There's something alluring about my gramps that makes me never tired of stories about him. He died in his early fifties but not before establishing himself as perhaps the greatest elephant hunter of his time and geography. Easy to be critical of as an animal poacher in retrospect but does morality work ex post facto?
Back home in England my Father-inlaw visited and my son was meeting his own gramps for the first time ever. This is another man I'd have found stories about him alluring if I didn't get a chance to meet him. A perfect gentleman if there ever was.
My father-inlaw and his late wife didn't have a child in the first ten years of their marriage. When they'd eventually be blessed, they had two girls. Not minding his humble background, he provided the best education he could afford his girls. He was also fiercely protective of them and his wife, their mum. He resisted every pressure to have a son by all means including taking another wife and together with his wife brought up their girls with the self esteem of any proper child. Lucky to marry one of the girls, I have always claimed my Father-inlaw was ahead of his time in their upbringing.
When we just had our son, my critical partner quickly began identifying the differences between how we were brought up in Nigeria and how we were raising our child in post-covid19 UK. ( We are both actually critical people ) Knowing what I just recounted of her upbringing, I'd insist our parents particularly did their best in spite of the standard of their time and geography.
It has been exciting to experience these differences now that her father is here with our son. The reaction is a little different. After few weeks of staying with us, the relationship between my son and his gramps has been a lesson for me as a father and us as a couple. There is more understanding of some limitations we do not share with our parents. And more empathy towards their core personality which we actually come from.
After a little bumpy start as a result of cultural difference and communication challenge, ESL is now so fond of his grandfather, he hardly wants him out of sight. Grampa enjoys it too even though at seventy-five, he's no longer as agile as he was when he had his first child.
When I watch my son and his gramps, I feel drawn to my own grandfather I never met. I had an elephant tattoo just before last year ended to immortalise him. I wonder how my son will remember his gramps who he's very lucky to have met. We all have a little of our grandparents in our DNA. Shouldn't you be curious about who you got something from?
Yours in Fatherhood,